Dream =? Reality

November 19, 2008 at 8:48 am (RL, Snippet)
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Every time I dream of him, he gets more and more real. This is the fourth time that I remember that I knew it was him, and now I don’t even know that he’s any different from all the others that populate my imagination.

He’s ruining me for real life, for the run of the mill nice guys, for the assholes. 

I’ve always been terrified of seeing his face, because once I did, it would be IT. Ka-splash. Camphor falls. End of story.  So why do I feel bad that he doesn’t exist?

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Red Obsessions

November 18, 2008 at 4:09 am (Snippet)
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My life is quite the most interesting imaginary toy I possess, and I’m taking it out for an experimental joy ride. My inner observer is back. I was watching today as we nagivated the complicated and infinitely interesting minefield of akwardness. A bit of hesitant maybe-maybe not. A smile, but not a frown, because that would make it even more messed up. Keep it nice, yes, friendly, yes.

There’s nothing quite like what might have been to make one doubt the intentions of another; nothing that can erase the slightly bitter tang of regret that comes of doing nothing.

And yet not having the courage to do something. 

You’d imagine that wearing red would make you feel confident. Bold. Vibrant.

It just feels like a giant bullseye painted on you, and like you’re screaming – victim here, please attack!

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Visual Learning

November 14, 2008 at 5:17 am (Snippet)
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Did you know that the night sky isn’t black, it’s a rich deep velvet in blue? And the stars that sparkle in its midst are hard – blue diamonds too. I love the vivid orange, the burnt tangy feel of it. And the warmth and happiness that a lemony yellow gives. Calm me if you can, whisper the many shades of green: the carpet of the golfing sport is a hushed melody. I’d tell you how every colour feels, for they  are tiny keys. Unlocking the way I look at life, and offering a sneak peek: see, every soul is a collage of many swirling eddies (of current or color, it’s same thing). But I have not the time to tell another, I have yet to learn – so many things, so many shades (no, it’s not an acid dream!)

Oh!
Tell me why you think it strange that I touch and taste and feel colors? 

Well, she’d love colors too if she could see them, but she sees only in black and white. And as for colors – well, they are but shades of light.

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