Much that once was, no longer is. My mind cannot wrap itself around all that I have lost, or perhaps willfully set aside. Most people grow. I seem to have devolved.
Maybe that is just as well. Perhaps it’s easier to fix the flaws on a lower model.
Maybe it’s sour grapes.
I just miss the edgy, vivid ALIVE feeling that used to accompany writing.
Camphor's 
I just miss the edgy, vivid ALIVE feeling that used to accompany writing.
Story of my life. In the last three months, that is. Not my favourite place to be, really.
I’m not sure if the edgy, vivid alive feeling actually accompanies the writing… I suspect it’s part and parcel of it. You (we) change, thus the feeling changes. It’s my bet the edgy feeling will return. In the meantime, try to appreciate your current state Sounds preachy? Not really. I don’t even know if it makes sense. It just feels right.
maybe you can do something outrageous and hope that it will rip life up, turn it upside down, giving it new colors and directions. that could bring back the missing edge!
i tried. and now, life is so much upside down, that i wish i hadn’t..! good luck!
My Grandmother is 88 years old, she’s lost her all her parents, brothers and sisters, her husband, 98% of her friends, her youth, her independence, her bladder control. But the one thing she hasn’t lost is her mind. Seems a cruel twist of fate to me.
Growing old sucks!
But you would be surprised by the things you haven’t lost. Like old Plaza admirers from way way back!
*hugs*
First blog I read after wakeup from sleep today!
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God, I hope it doesn’t stay that way. Your writing still is beautiful.