Every time I dream of him, he gets more and more real. This is the fourth time that I remember that I knew it was him, and now I don’t even know that he’s any different from all the others that populate my imagination.
He’s ruining me for real life, for the run of the mill nice guys, for the assholes.
I’ve always been terrified of seeing his face, because once I did, it would be IT. Ka-splash. Camphor falls. End of story. So why do I feel bad that he doesn’t exist?
Did you know that the night sky isn’t black, it’s a rich deep velvet in blue? And the stars that sparkle in its midst are hard – blue diamonds too. I love the vivid orange, the burnt tangy feel of it. And the warmth and happiness that a lemony yellow gives. Calm me if you can, whisper the many shades of green: the carpet of the golfing sport is a hushed melody. I’d tell you how every colour feels, for they are tiny keys. Unlocking the way I look at life, and offering a sneak peek: see, every soul is a collage of many swirling eddies (of current or color, it’s same thing). But I have not the time to tell another, I have yet to learn – so many things, so many shades (no, it’s not an acid dream!)
Tell me why you think it strange that I touch and taste and feel colors?
Well, she’d love colors too if she could see them, but she sees only in black and white. And as for colors – well, they are but shades of light.
I have a Roman coin: Janus looks both forward and back. Hence January, at the threshold of the old year and the new. Happy New Year! [Belated, of course].
I found a tag at Dreamcatcher’s, and I helped myself to it. It seemed to suit. 🙂
10 things I miss
- Home: Curd rice. 🙂 My brother, that fool. Small things.
- My books in one place and reachable.
- Hostel at college and all those late night chats. Exam times. Yes, really.
- Being in touch with friends. Knowing what’s up with everyone whom I want to know what’s up with.
- The time to read aitmiyaan-se.
- Being less cynical. And less worried. And so, World Peace. It seems that the world was nicer before.
- Free Sundays.
- Jalebi from Chitoor Bus Stand and friends who would take me there after I’ve cried my eyes out.
- Old friends who aren’t friends anymore.
- Enjoying Tirupati and Uttiramerur.
10 things I dream of doing in the next decade
- Live in Europe.
- Go bungee jumping off those cliffs in Australia, somehow.
- Work in Harvard – systems biology.
- Meet those people I’ve been planning to meet for years, but haven’t.
- Get married.
- Visit both Egypt and Israel. And Russia. And Japan. Possibly live in Japan.
- Write that book.
- Do meaningful research.
- Paint. Learn the Veena – what little I knew, I must have forgotten. Speak French and Italian fluently.
- Visit the Himalayas. Uttar Kashi or something. Also, Gwalior. Udaipur. Write in Tamil. And Hindi.
Don’t quibble. Some of those things are petty, perhaps, meaningless, perhaps, foolish perhaps. But that’s what I want to do. And eventually, I will. I hope.
Here’s to a new year:
pallandu petru palla kodi vazhgai;
[live long and prosper.]
what’s begun badly, goes smoothly later. I hope.